Sabina Holtby - A Desire to Know

I was involved in a group that I would consider a cult last year. I consider myself a Christian and while I was involved in this group they manipulated me into thinking that I was not a Christian unless I belonged to the group, they also attacked other strong Christians who I know from my life.
“What is going to happen to those who want to know but they can’t?” it’s a line from The Seventh Seal. It was as if my own thoughts had been slung up on the projection screen. Once I left the group I spent moths trying to know again. A verse that I was told, Romans 8:16 “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.” It was difficult to discern what my spirit was saying, I wanted to know so badly but I didn’t know.
I identified so much with Block’s character who was searching for the answers but unlike his character I did not want rational proof of my salvation I wanted spiritual, emotional, irrational confirmation.